Thislifeisbeautiful's Weblog

barf it out

thislifeisbeautiful — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 01:23:06 +0000

: even though blind side is a happy ending, I can’t help but think what it says for all of upper class white america LIKE my parents. like oh they can do something like this. they can save some poor young boy. and even though it would be amazing, and giving, and incredibly kind, i hate that self righteous attitude. give it up. I have students in the situation. it kills me to know they won’t have an out like that. and although it is in all of us to fight our situations, it is never as easy as that.

: competition sucks i hate it always. It is used to create dividers, borders, separations, hierarchy, power, favoritism, winners and losers. and my own sister prides herself on it. in my own fuckin family i have to compete to be accepted, heard, understood, entertaining, interesting. wtf. seriously wtf.

: my roommates talk about women like i talk about clothes. ooooh i really like that one, no this one just isn’t pretty i would never wear it. oh but this one has a really pretty design—unique in that way. this one is just real plain. damnnnnn you don’t see past physical beauty and you don’t care about it past that. i shut my door in your conversation continually because how you talk about women makes me never want to be with a guy EVER.

plate tectonics

thislifeisbeautiful — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 03:46:21 +0000

my life is surrounding me by valleys, mountains, rivers, and plains. Every landscape a bit different. Everyone just as beautiful and just as dangerous. Everyone as instable as it seems relying oh so delicately on the plates beneath. People can’t see those, but I can. I see them so perfectly that they disrupt my life. Seeing beyond them and looking at just the landscape is too much. I know their foundations. I know that that beauty rests oh so frailly on the delicate plates underfoot. I know those plates are not beautiful. I know that every move made on top seems logical but is directed, manipulated, pulled by those damn plates that push us all around. In me, under me, in you, around you, in him, under her, everyone. I wish I never knew.

My fully loaded gun [for you stupid]

thislifeisbeautiful — Fri, 14 Aug 2009 01:48:42 +0000

Give My Gun Away When It’s Loaded.
Is that alright WITH YOU??????
No.
No.
Because it’s only for you.
and you know it.
What I want from you, is to empty your head.
We do what we need to be free.
I wish you would tell me how you truly feel.
But you can’t.
And I will be free.

{quotes from Damien Rice}

blOUGHMph

thislifeisbeautiful — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 03:43:20 +0000

I’m letting it all hang out. There is no time for bullshit in this world. Dude, quit fucking with me I ain’t no doormat. I will tell you what I think. I will not just let you treat me like shit and get away with it. I don’t have to show kindness if you refuse to give me anything back. Even though no one else tells you what they think, I will. Even if it comes more in the form of blOUGHMph than any logical reasoning.

Perfect song to fit my soul

thislifeisbeautiful — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 03:35:21 +0000

¿Hace falta que te diga
que me muero por tener algo contigo?
¿es que no te has dado cuenta
de lo mucho que me cuesta ser tu amigo?
ya no puedo acercarme a tu boca
sin deseártela de una manera loca
necesito controlar tu vida
saber quien te besa y quien te abriga
hace falta que te diga
que me muero por tener algo contigo
es que no te has dado cuenta
de lo mucho que me cuesta ser tu amigo
ya me quedan muy pocos caminos
aunque pueda parecerte un desatino
no quisiera yo morirme sin tener
algo contigo
ya no puedo continuar espiando
día y noche tu llegar adivinando
ya no se con que inocente excusa
pasar por tu casa…
ya me quedan muy pocos caminos
aunque pueda parecerte un desatino
no quisiera yo morirme sin tener
algo contigo,
sin tener, algo contigo,
sin tener, algo… contigo.

identity confusion

thislifeisbeautiful — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 02:40:47 +0000

that’s what I got yo.

my texted messaged Friday night

thislifeisbeautiful — Mon, 27 Jul 2009 02:39:43 +0000

from just a friend, “(My name) all I really want is u. & that what I want u to know. & maybe u so many times u saw me how match I care about u. Thatts what I’m trying to tell & I’m confusing because i’m shy to tell u that believe me I don’t want anything rather than see happy. and I’m sorry for aver things.”

Later at a party with my booty call,
“Y r u saying such a thing u know i love u”

“Oh no worries”

No worries…..

unanswered questions

thislifeisbeautiful — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 18:01:09 +0000

Could I have pressed the wrong door button?
Did one of his friends answer?
Why didn’t he pick up the phone?
Why was his phone in the other room?
Why did he call me that night and the next night?
Was he really pissed I didn’t show up?
Why didn’t he call me?

Why was his phone out of minutes?
Why didn’t he borrow a friend’s?
Why didn’t he respond to my message?
Why didn’t he respond to my angry message?
Whose computer was he on?

Why didn’t he show up?
Why did he call three times an hour and a half later?
Is this really all culture?
Why did he call today?
Why does he care?
Why do I care?
Does this show he doesn’t care?
Why do I have to be the one thinking about all of this?
Why the fuck would I still like him?
How messed up am I?
What do I do?

endless thoughts

thislifeisbeautiful — Thu, 21 May 2009 21:19:30 +0000

It’s easy to say no when you are looking at other girls.
It’s hard when I am that girl you are looking at.

I don’t know how you can make me feel like the shit of the world one minute.
And the next the most beautiful girl ever.

This isn’t healthy.
Quit pulling me around.

NO. Quit letting him.
I will find my inner strength, and will defeat this fucked up mind game you like to play with me.

why not

thislifeisbeautiful — Thu, 21 May 2009 18:51:20 +0000

because all of that…

is for any girl that wants it.

You just think I’m hot.

Thanks, but I want more.

ANY girl can be hot for you.

I’m not any girl.